ADHD and Menopause: The Menopause Multiplier When Masking Finally Fails

There’s menopause.
And then there’s menopause with ADHD.

This is the bit I wasn’t prepared for.

Because while I’d been coping (just about) for decades, menopause didn’t simply arrive with a few inconvenient symptoms. It acted like a menopause multiplier. Everything that had always been there — quietly, manageably, almost invisibly — suddenly got louder.

Harder.

Impossible to ignore.

When the Body Joins the Conversation

Let’s start with the obvious.

The insomnia.
Wide awake at 3am, brain running full-speed commentary on everything you’ve ever said wrong.

The night sweats.
The brain fog so thick it feels like thinking through cotton wool.

The aching hips when you stand up.
The unfamiliar face in the mirror as your hair turns grey whether you’re ready or not.

Each symptom alone is manageable. Together, they’re exhausting.

And for an ADHD brain — already sensitive to sleep deprivation, stress, and overwhelm — it’s like trying to function without shock absorbers.

Masking, Becomes Impossible

For years, I masked without knowing that’s what I was doing.

I rehearsed conversations.
I smiled through discomfort.
I over-functioned to compensate for internal chaos.

Menopause didn’t create my ADHD.
It removed my ability to hide it.

Suddenly I couldn’t:

• Think quickly on the spot
• Process information while being watched
• Respond calmly when emotionally triggered

The pause between stimulus and response vanished.

And when you’ve spent a lifetime being “the capable one”, that loss is unsettling.

Rejection Feels Louder Now

One of the hardest things to name has been the emotional side.

Hyper rejection sensitivity doesn’t announce itself politely. It hits fast and deep.

A delayed reply feels personal.
A misunderstood comment feels catastrophic.
A mild criticism lands like proof you never quite belonged.

At this stage of life, when:

• Social circles shrink
• Friendships change
• Family disperses
• Children leave home

…there’s less distraction from those feelings.

And less energy to pretend they don’t hurt.

The Social Quietening of Midlife

No one talks enough about how small life can feel in your 50s.

You look around and realise:

• Your world has contracted
• Your role has shifted
• The noise of earlier years has faded

For women with ADHD, who often relied on busyness, connection, and purpose to regulate themselves, that quiet can feel unnerving.

It’s not loneliness exactly.

It’s displacement.Who am I when I’m no longer needed in the same way?
Who am I when I stop trying so hard to fit in?

When Everything Becomes Visible

This is the uncomfortable truth menopause brings:

You can no longer override your nervous system with effort alone.

You can’t outwork exhaustion.
You can’t charm your way past burnout.
You can’t mask through sleeplessness forever.

And maybe that’s not a failure.

Maybe it’s your body finally insisting on honesty.

A Different Kind of Strength

This phase isn’t about “fixing” yourself.

It’s about:

• Slowing responses instead of forcing them
• Letting conversations pause
• Choosing fewer people, not more
• Resting without earning it

ADHD plus menopause strips life back to essentials.

What remains is real.

And while that can feel raw, it can also be clarifying.

If This Feels Familiar

If your symptoms feel amplified.
If your tolerance is thinner.
If you can’t perform the way you once did.

You’re not deteriorating.
You’re adjusting to a system that’s finally stopped pretending.

This isn’t the end of competence.
It’s the end of camouflage.

And there is relief in that — even if it doesn’t feel like it yet 🤍

Read another blog: My 18 Month Waitlist Diary

If this resonates, you’re welcome to share your thoughts in the comments below. Your experience might help someone else feel less alone 🤍